I was asked by my doctors to ease back into work... And since I only work four days a week during the summer anyway, let me remind you that I will not be on a Sunday night into Monday morning until after Labor Day

Oh brother, Oswalt! Gotta stay cool... Half my callers did not approve of the deal...

Are black jeans really out of style?

INCEPTION bored me...

Pease click on to PHILLY POST at my site and read... The Miss Iowa bit is a riot...

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LIVE COMEDY SHOWS!

It's not too soon to get your tix for the next TWO FUNNY PHILLY GUYS show starring Joe Conklin and myself.  It's at the Borgata on Friday night, Sept. 24th at 9 PM.  Go to http://theborgata.com  for tix.  DON'T MISS THIS SHOW!

TRIVIA APPEARANCES!

I'm at PJ Whelihans in Maple Shade, NJ for "Tuesdays with the Phillies" every Tuesday for my 5th big year.  Great wing specials, trivia, and the 5th inning quiz.  Every Tuesday the entire season.

Wed, July 28th, I will be at Chickie & Pete's in S. Philly from 5 till 7 PM, before the Phils game...

QUIZZO!

I'll be at TOM & JERRY'S at 1006 McDade Blvd. in Milmont Park PA every Thursday for Quizzo at 8:00 PM! And...

Shore Quizzo nights:
Every Monday night, I will be at the Circle Tavern in Avalon... and every Wed night, starting June 16th, I will be at Timmy Fitz's Crest Tavern in Wildwood Crest, also at 9. This is my second summer at both, so see you there!

I'll have copies of THE GREAT BOOK OF PHILADELPHIA SPORTS LIST, the book about my Dad, LAST CALL, and the TWO FUNNY PHILLY GUYS DVD with me at all locations.

THE SIXTEEN GREATEST BASEBALL PLAYERS SINCE 1964

Why 16?  Because I am not including pitchers, so since there are eight position players, I decided to double that and there you go.  16.  Why 1964?  Because I like commenting on players that I actually saw play and '64 was the first year of my life that I vividly remember and let's face it, it's an infamous year in our city's history.  So I will nominate one player a night and I'm going to assume that we're gonna end up with more than 16 and you and I will have to whittle it down from there.  By the way, I am not doing two shortstops, etc.  If I end up with 16 players who all play the same position, so be it.

	MIKE SCHMIDT... Wanted to start with a Phil, and who better than the greatest third baseman of all time?  3 MVP's, 12 All-star appearances, 548 homers, not to mention he gobbled everything his way down at the Hot Corner.  I once filled in for Dennis Malloy at a long gone radio station called KISS 100. Schmidt was in to promote his charity golf outing.  He had a rep as being a "difficult" guy, but I had heard that he was a fan of classic soul artists like the Spinners, the Delfonics,  and the O'Jays.  Well, I know that music like the back of my hand, so that's what we did on the show, play Mike's favorites, and we had a ball.  That morning was a real thrill for me.   MICHAEL JACK SCHMIDT!
	REGGIE JACKSON... Simply put, my all time favorite home run hitter and the original MR. OCTOBER.  14 All-Star appearances.  3 WS MVP'S.  Interviewed him once and I knew he was a car collector and I know someone who has worked with him in that department and I made the mistake of bringing him up, and the rest of the conversation was dominated by cars which I'm sure was boring my listeners.  Nice guy, though.
	BARRY BONDS... I had to make a decision here. There's no denying his enormous stats, and it pains me to nominate him because of the steroid mess, but I have no idea if any of the other players that I am going to nominate took them either. Everyone says Griffey Jr. is clean, and he probably is, but how the hell do I know? Bonds’ eight Gold Gloves certainly didn't hurt either.
	DEREK JETER... Mr. October Jr!  Year after year, he's the hallmark of those Yank teams, setting records on a team where records really mean something.
	ALEX RODRIQUEZ... An odd bird.  A RICH odd bird, but his numbers are overwhelming.  3 MVP's, 12 All Star appearances and unfortunately, at our expense, a world champion.
	RICKEY HENDERSON... Maybe the greatest leadoff hitter ever and a total whack job!  Ricky took talking about yourself in the third person to a new level.  While holding out for more money one season, Henderson said he didn't get all the fuss.  "All I want is what I'm asking for."
	PETE ROSE... Yeah, he's a dufus in a bowling shirt, but his numbers are indisputable.  Put him in the Hall and be done with it.
	HANK AARON... Wonder if he makes the final cut.  He played 11 years BEFORE '64.  But even his numbers AFTER '64 are impressive.
	JOE MORGAN... Gets on my nerves an an announcer, but boy, could he play. Smallest guy on here, right?
	MANNY RAMIREZ... "Manny being Manny!"  One of the best pure hitters ever.  Period.
	ICHIRO!    He only needs one name.  He's 36 now and there's a chance his numbers don't stack up, but we gotta nominate him at least.
	WILLIE MAYS... He breaks into the league in '51 and has the bulk of his great years BEFORE '64, but there's enough there after '64 to nominate the SAY HEY KID!
	KEN GRIFFEY, JR... Things went a little sour in Cincy, but I can't see how he doesn't make the final 16.
	CAL RIPKEN, JR... There was always someone making an argument that he wasn't THAT great, just remarkably sturdy.  Well, over 3000 hits, 400 HR's, 19 All Star appearances, 2 MVP's,  ain't nothing to sneeze at either.
	FRANK THOMAS... Only 5 All Star appearances because of the DH, but 2 time MVP, lifetime .300 hitter and 500 plus HR's. And a GREAT nickname, THE BIG HURT
	OZZIE SMITH...     15X All Star and the greatest fielding shortstop ever.
	PAUL MOLITOR... It was Paul who was the MVP of that dreaded '93 series.
	TONY  GYWNN SR... Who's the greatest singles hitter of all time?  Tony or Rose?
	MARK MCGWIRE &  SAMMY SOSA...    Completely one dimensional abusers, but since I have no idea who did what, I am going to at least nominate  them based on their numbers and see what you think.
	ALBERT PUJOLS... Maybe the best player EVER.  Forget since '64.
	VLADIMIR GUERRERO... What a fun player to watch.
	EDDIE MURRAY... One of the great switchhitters ever.
	ROD CAREW... A hitting machine and used as a rhyme in the Beastie's SURE SHOT!

Thanks to everyone who came out to the show last night.  The next biggie will be TWO FUNNY PHILLY GUYS on Friday nite, Sept. 24th at the Borgata with Conklin.  What do you think of Eskin being the guest MC?

What a thunderstorm today.  Rained like hell for 15 minutes, then stopped on a dime...

The soundtrack is so awful for NO WAY OUT that i went out of my way to see who composed it and it was Maurice Jarre from LAWRENCE OF ARABIA, only one of the greatest soundtracks EVER!

Saw SECRET SERVICE today at the OD.  Long live Dom & Craig!

MAD MEN is a very good show, but stop it already with the GREATEST SHOW EVER bullshit...

Speaking of bullshit, read my latest PHILLY POST at my web site.  It's all about Eminem's latest tune and I guess I pissed off a lot of Em's fans...

Geez, the firing of Thompson and the Phils suddenly hitting the ball was a coincidence, wasn't it?  Wasn't it?

The Saints will not repeat.  You can take that to the bank...

RAVINGS FROM A MAN WHO NEVER SLEEPS... 07/22

Whatever move the Phils make, they better make it with eyes on NEXT YEAR, not this one. ..

TRUE BLOOD continues it's amazing creativity week after week, where RESCUE ME fell into it's normal religious bullshit...

Geez, with all the comments coming out from Magic, Barkley, MJ, it's looking like LeBron is gonna get booed every where he goes...

Glad to see the DRPA might finally be getting the crap back it deserves...

NEED HELP. take a look at the players that I have nominated so far and tell me who is missing that is CURRENTLY playing and let me know...

LECOMPT is STILL playing at the top of their game...

Saw a rerun of THE OFFICE and that show was so much better when Pam and Jim weren't an item yet...

The new PREDATORS was awful...

THIS WEEK'S TRIVIA winner was Steve Stacy, who correctly answered the black and white movie that got the most mentions as being the best ever was CASABLANCA...

HERE'S THE LATEST PIECE I WROTE FOR THE SEA ISLE TIMES...

 HERE'S LOOKING AT YOU, KID...

     I've been approached by a publishing house to produce and write a book called JERSEY SHORE DRUNK STORIES.  It would be a mish-mash collection of stories of my own and tales told by others with a celebrity yarn or three.
     Not that the Jersey shore is all about drunks and wild times.  In fact, what I have always loved about the shore was how much it has to offer.  If you wanna just chill out all day at the beach and call it an early night, well, that's there for you.  There's great food and fishing and rides for the kids (and the young at heart).  There's a bunch of different directions you can choose to go with your day.
     However, there's no denying that drinking plays a major part in the allure of the Jersey shore.  Don't ask me to explain it, it just is.  There's not one person reading this right now who can't at the drop of a hat can't recite a blow-by-blow account of a night that started with three cases of Miller Lite.  "Mary actually was wearing a can on her head and we all went out to Casino Pizza . . . . . . .
      I love the endless generational aspect of it all.  Yeah, it seems like yesterday I was taking my daughters to Fun City and now I sit on my deck and watch them walk up the street heading towards all the clubs.  I also love hanging at the Carousel and watching a guy in his mid-twenties pushing a baby carriage coming down the promenade and staring down into the club muttering to himself, "wasn't I just down in there two years ago drinking and trying to pick up chicks?"  He then spends the next couple blocks convincing himself that his lot in life is now way better.  Poor guy.  He'll be back.  He's just gotta pay his parenting dues.
     Now I know there will be some of you who are going to find these stories immature and irresponsible.  To you, I will quote my mother.  WELL, THAT'S JUST TOUGH TURKEY.  Here's three fun stories.

HE RODE A BLAZING SADDLE...
     Sea Isle once had a movie theatre.  It was right next to Braca's where James candy is now.  It might have even been called Braca's.  There were other movie theatre's in this town before this one, but it's this theatre I remember.
     Me and my buddy Jimmy were at a party that was a real dud.  In fact, it was our third lousy party of the night and it was only 930.  Maybe it was us.  Maybe we didn't get invites to the good parties.  Anyway, we're cutting down the promenade heading towards Lousy Party #4.  We each have a hidden bottle of MD20/20, which was THE cheap wine of that summer.  (Probably still is)  We come across JFK and there it is.  BLAZING SADDLES.  A movie that Jimmy and I (and this was before VCR's) had seen a hundred times and could quote entire passages from.  Jimmy see's the marquee and says "what in the wide wide world of sports is going on here?"
     No way any party is gonna top a night of Mel Brooks!  We buy our tickets and thanks to the previews haven't missed a frame.  The air conditioning is barely working, but we've got two bottles of MD20/20.  What could be better?  Well, I don't know if it's the heat or the fact that we had been drinking for six hours at that point, but the next thing I know we're being woken up by an usher.  The movie is two thirds over.  The usher appears to be fifteen years old and he's ticked off.  He see's the wine bottles on the floor with his trusty flashlight and says to us with an all-knowing smirk, like he's really nabbed us.  "Uh, you didn't buy that wine in here, did ya?"  LIKE THIS THEATRE SOLD POPCORN, GOOBERS, AND MD20/20!
     We got thrown out, but the story lives on.  That usher today?  Working for the CIA.

I LOVE A PARADE!
     The four of us had just gotten into town on a Saturday night in July.  It's only 7pm or so.  We were in Tommy's convertible.  We went to a party at 66th St. that had already been broken up by the police.  Word was everyone had gone to the OD.  So we turn the car around and head downtown when we get pulled over at 55th & Central.  At this point we were all completely sober, but in fairness to the police, I would have pulled us over too.  We LOOKED like trouble.  However, the police quickly realize that we are straight and are just about to let us all continue on our way, when one of the officers, looking at the license and the driver says, "and you're Thomas Bristow, right?"  And Tommy replies, "that's what the license says, doesn't it, genius?" 
     Bang.  Pow.  The next thing you know all four of us are being locked up and you know what for?  PARADING WITHOUT A PERMIT.  That was all they could really get us on.  We each had to pay a $35 fine.  And believe me, we didn't have $35 between us.  I believe Mouse McCourt ended up spending the night in jail.
     My biggest regret to this story?  Well, I figured since three of us paid the fine, that meant we now had a permit to throw a parade.  We should have grabbed some pots and pans and a guitar and marched down Landis the next day.  Now THAT would have been a parade!

HEY, WHAT'S FOR BREAKFAST?
     Sea Isle has many condo unit buildings where there's as many as ten, fifteen units a building.  If you've had a couple beverages it can all get pretty confusing.  Particularly if you're just down for the night crashing with some casual friends.
     Such was the story of one Billy Boyle.  Billy arrived at 35th St one Friday night just in time to throw his duffel bag into a condo where everyone was headfing out towards the Dead Dog.  Billy might have been in this condo 15 minutes.  Now he's at the bar throwing them back pretty heavy.  He gets seperated fro the crowd.  His cellphone's dead.
     To make a long story short he heads back to the condo building, but enters the wrong unit.  Who locks doors at the shore?  He staggers down a hallway and see's a bed with no one in it.  He closes the door behind him and hits the sack THRILLED to have a bed to his own.
     He wakes up the next day to a kitchen where a wife, husband and two kids are having breakfast.   He has slept in the wrong condo.  Thank god he has his pants on.  NOW THIS NEXT PART IS COMPLETELY TRUE.  The wife looks at Billy and says, "bagel or toast?"

LONG LIVE THE JERSEY SHORE.

RAVINGS FROM A MAN WHO NEVER SLEEPS... 07/18

Boy, SHUTTER ISLAND is a piece of crap.  Imagine, they take an awesome actor like Ben Kingsley, tell him he's portraying a "mad" scientist and they give him a bow tie and a pipe!  After that flick was over, I went back to cable and watched EXECUTIVE DECISION and that was WAY more entertaining...

So sick of Vick...

So sick of this heat...

I had no idea my latest blog at phillymag.com was gonna cause all this fuss.  It was meant to be funny.  I think it IS funny...

Seeing MR GREENGENES snd LECOMPT tonight.  Now THAT'S a doubleheader...

What exactly does one think of the MOODY BLUES?

RAVINGS FROM A MAN WHO NEVER SLEEPS... 07/13

Although, Steinbrenner really cared about winning and losing, which is something to praise when it comes to being an owner, I also will think of him often as a rude bully...

What are the greatest black and white films ever?

How bout the NL?  Bout time!  Congrats to Charley...

Gained a pound!  up to 189!

I was gonna drive my car on the beach the other night.  I was completely sober.  Just felt like doing something crazy.  Figured I'd pay the fine and it be worth it.  Then someone pointed out that it raise my insurance.  DAG!  Can't a man have some fun?

Marc Ribot is one awesome guitarist.  Check out his solo on Wait's DOWN IN THE HOLE...

Buck & McCarver blow... Did I tell you last week that Brian McCann was underrated?

My daughter stills has a few seats remaining on her Phils/Mets trip on 9/11.  E-mail me if interested.  AND I THINK I'M GOING NOW ALSO...

Doesn't anyone have a surfboard that they know they will never use?!

RAVINGS FROM A MAN WHO NEVER SLEEPS... 07/10

Not nuts about the way things turned out in Miami cuz it's such a lousy sports town, and I thought the hour long special was overkill was overkill to say the least.  However, some of the HATRED being thrown at James is a little over the top.  As far as the Cavs owner's letter, it's a lot of fun, but if he hated him that much and thought he was that much of a quitter, why did he want him back to begin with?  ALL OF THESE sure show how far off our Sixers are..

If this is possible, I have rediscovered Tom Waits again, and he is simply a unique American treasure.  Check out a "song" titled WHAT'S HE BUILDING IN THERE?

What an amazing comeback by the Phils last night.  Now if ‘Lanta would just start losing...

People ask me a lot why I didn't talk more about the duck tragedy and my answer is I believe people turn my show on for comic relief, oddball info,  and sports.  We have two sister stations you can turn to for coverage on such events and they both do a great job...

LONG LIVE THE BONZO DOG BAND.  Every human in the world should own their complete box set.  They are proof they are a god...

I watched THE APARTMENT every morning this week.  What an awesome flick.

RAVINGS FROM A MAN WHO NEVER SLEEPS... 07/08

Hope Miami is a total disaster...

The PSYCHO answers. NO ONE flushes a toilet before they step into a shower. Even at home. But absolutely NO ONE steps into a shower naked, in a motel no less, stands directly under the showerhead, and THEN turns the water on. You run the water BEFORE you step in, do that hand thing to make sure the water temp is right, and THEN you get in. It's one of the most famous scenes in Hollywood history and this has bugged me for YEARS!

I like the new EMINEM single...

Digging the new LOUIS CK show and the first 2 episodes of RESCUE ME (Except for the BS religious parts)...

Speaking of religion, you must see Bill Maher's excellent RELIGIOUS. It's really ballsy and scary.

RAVINGS FROM A MAN WHO NEVER SLEEPS... 07/07

Werth's at bat in the 7th last night was a disgrace.  Need this win tonight...

Digging RESCUE ME so far. .

If James goes anywhere, it'll be the Knicks.  Who would wanna play in MJ's shadow?

If nothing happens to Vick, and I don't think anything will,  the Steeler's Big Ben, who also had no charges pressed against him, must be saying "then why the hell am I losing all this money?"

We now live in a world with a 70 year old Beatle.  Happy Birthday, Ringo!

RAVINGS FROM A MAN WHO NEVER SLEEPS... 07/04

Saw MR. GREENGENES cover the Verve's BITTERSWEET SYMPHONY and was reminded what a great song that is...

Jamie Moyer not being named to the All star game is a disgrace...

THE GRADUATE holds up and while MEAN STREETS will always be a cool film to watch, as a film it does NOT hold up...

I've said it once, I'll say it again.  There have been a million cheating spouses.  So why am I rooting for Woods to never win a tourney again?

Click on PHILLY POST and read the blog about my stolen bikes...

I got an e-mail from someone who read that and said I should learn to write without cursing.  Let's see.  I've written two books and a play without cursing.  I've written TEN blogs for Phillymag.com and only one has cursing... PLEASE think about what you're sending before you push that send button... Speaking of which, I got an e-mail from someone who said that they got a text saying that I was dead.  Then that e-mailer wanted to know if that was true or not.  So I decided not to answer.  Who writes an e-mail, "Excuse me, are you dead?"

NO SURPRISES by RADIOHEAD is the greatest SONG EVER!

RAVINGS FROM A MAN WHO NEVER SLEEPS... 06/30

Jay Black put together a list of TEN DESPICABLE PEOPLE WHO GOT REALITY SHOWS. They had to be already famous.

Paris Hilton
Anna Nicole Smith
Tara Reid
Michael Vick
The Two Coreys
Tommy Lee
Denise Richards
Bobby Brown/Whitney Houston
Flava Flav
Gene Simmons

RAVINGS FROM A MAN WHO NEVER SLEEPS... 06/29

PLEASE check out a film called RUN LOLA RUN.  It's got subtitles, but don't let that stop ya.  Wild!

What next with the Phils? Speaking of the Fightin's, it's about time that the country makes as much of a fuss over Moyer that they are of Strasburg...

Calipari's comments about the draft were further proof that he himself is everything that is wrong with college basketball...

What is Vick doing throwing a party in a nightclub?   How dumb is this guy?  BTW, who throws a party for themselves and then charges $50 to get in.  What a world...

Got in a major Sinatra/Presley argument over the weekend and let me make this clear.  FRANCES ALBERT SINATRA IN NOT ONLY THE GREATEST POP SINGER EVER, HE INVENTED IT!

I am ready again to take on all comers at bodysurfing again.  I sit on the beach in Sea Isle at 35th St.  Just give me a holler and in the water we go for a best of five waves.  Just don't bring your loved ones because I don't wanna embarrass you in front of your kids.

RAVINGS FROM A MAN WHO NEVER SLEEPS... 06/27

Let me remind you that my man Ken has been handling my site for years and if you have any thing you need done with your computer at all, please get hold of him at myputerwontwork@verizon.net.  He's the best!

What are the greatest three hour long movies ever?

Getting better every day, just can't eat...

Phils are back!  That Rollins walk off was sensational!

Love the Sixers getting Turner, but he is not Michael Jordan.  Relax...

Back to body surfing.  DEATH TO REDMAN!

I really could not watch the World Cup cause of that stupid horn...

Love Philly Mag's POT IS BACK issue.  Like it ever went anywhere.  Don't forget I write for Phillymag.com.  Just click on Philly Post...

RAVINGS FROM A MAN WHO NEVER SLEEPS... 06/21

Without driving like a lunatic, my wife somehow drove from Jamison, PA to Sea Isle tonight in 1 hour and 58 minutes...

My beautiful daughters got me a camera for Dad Day and just getting another Dad Day was enough...

REMEMBER THE TITANS blows...

I love John Cale's voice...

Ocean temp has been dynamite...

Based on how long they have been dead and how much I play their music, I'm trying to figure out what dead musician I have listened to the most.  Who do you think it is?

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Happy 61st Birthday, Tom Bigby!